A good friend of mine, Danish Ahmed, recently shared his story with me. “I wanted to be independent. I couldn't stand being blind and being at a visual disadvantage, so I did everything in my power to compensate for my disadvantages. I studied harder. I anticipated my challenges. For example, when I was thirteen I traveled to every subway station in Toronto so that I would become familiar with the environment. So when I would go for job interviews, I would save time by recognizing certain landmarks rather than getting lost or asking someone for directions.
“Wanting to be independent served me well. It gave me confidence and valuable experience. However, when I would get lost and was late for an interview, for example, I wouldn't ask anyone for help. I would persist with my own abilities. I didn't want to look bad to others. It wasn't until later in life that I found the humility to simply ask for help.”
There is power in an authentic request. Most people genuinely want to make a difference. For Danish, he didn't want to ask strangers for help. For you, it may be a friend or a family member, a co-worker, a prospect or even a significant other that you're hesitant to approach. What have you been afraid of asking? Are you afraid of getting turned down? Are you afraid of being vulnerable?
We have many resources at our disposal. Take the telephone for example. Somebody at a recent seminar said that they had a great new product for an office furniture chain but wasn't sure how to present it. What's the solution? Pick up the telephone, call the head office, and ask them for their policy and procedures on new product acquisitions. Ask. Sometimes it's just that simple.
What questions come up in your mental chatter? Are they questions like, 'why am I so unlucky?' Why does this always happen to me?' Or, are they questions like, 'how can I turn this around? What is so funny about this situation?' Your brain will come up with an answer for any question, so it's very important to make sure you're asking empowering questions like, "How can I turn this around and make a difference?"
If you are experiencing problems, here are six problem-solving questions you can ask:
What is right or great about this?
What is not perfect yet?
What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
What am I willing to stop doing in order to have things the way I want it?
How can I enjoy doing what is necessary in order to get what I want?
How can I do what is necessary and enjoy the process?
Who do I know who has successfully solved this challenge?
As a good book from a long time ago says, “Ask and it shall be given unto you; seek and ye shall find; knock and the door shall be opened unto you.” Profound words in more ways than one.
So, feel free to make authentic requests from other people in your life. If you find yourself stuck and not knowing, think who else you can ask. And, consider that the questions we ask ourselves on a habitual basis get answered by creating the reality that we live.
